Static...

Seth and I rearranged the living room the other day. And I had an anxiety attack. It completely freaked me out that the couch was going to be somewhere else, that things would look sloppy and misshapen, that the pictures were going to be all dorky looking because they were no longer centered and squared to whatever piece of furniture I had previously chosen. And moving the pictures is totally out of the question, because then there would be HOLES in the walls. God forbid.
So, the couch is different. And the chair is different. The TV left its previous home of 5 years and took up residence across the room. Sir William is definitely not the focus anymore, which makes me sad.
Poor Seth. He was trying to crack jokes, make fun and generally ease me into this change, but I wasn't budging. I wasn't happy about the change and wasn't about to pretend to be. He also wants to split the bookcases up "just like 6 inches or a foot". I can't do it. I like them as a unit and to split them up would be a nightmare. Think of the dust that will collect in between, but with out enough room to swipe a broom. Nope, it's not going to work.
So I was cleaning the kitchen this morning and making coffee and thinking about why it was/is so hard for me to accept this furniture rearrangement. And I though of my mom and dad's living room arrangement. It hasn't changed. Ever. Since 3rd grade, so what is that? 25 years? I've never had to deal.

Yoga and dinner

I went to a yoga class yesterday. The session is an hour and a half. It took me maybe 50 minutes or so to "become an observer to my thoughts" and not a participant. I really got into it. I did. By the time I flowed like water to my car, with all the stress from my shoulders floating in the sky, I felt like I really did something great. For myself!

The feeling lasted 7 minutes, or the length of my drive home. I opened the back door and heard my screaming, teething, overly tired almost 6 month old and felt a thud of weight upon my shoulders. Then my husband said she was hungry and that was it. Back to square one. I should not have expected to have 90 minutes all to myself, with no consequences to that action. 60 minutes might have been OK, but 90? Over the line.

So, a big stupid stressed out fight with my husband ensues, while our dinner patiently waited.

And let me just tell you. Things that used to be at the store and somehow find themselves on plates, in my kitchen, somewhat warm and maybe kind of tasty? It doesn't come easy. So when my husband, trying not to rock the boat any further, and wasn't sure what to do about all this warm and tasty food in the crockpot, ate leftovers instead of pork loin, that tipped me right straight over the edge.

Nobody ate dinner, and I honored my time and body only while I was in that warm, dimly lit yoga room that exudes inner strength and peace.

I hope things go better next time. Because I think yoga might be something pretty awesome.

Sleep...

My little peanut...you finally slept last night. 9pm to 3am, ate, and back down until 7:45am! Which makes me feel like a million dollars! Maybe it's because that tooth is finally about to pop through or maybe it's because you are getting more to eat.

Teeth and sleep, at 6 months. This could be good!

Letters to Lakeland

Lakeland, today I signed up for a 25K - the River Bank Run. I ran it 6 years ago, and this year, I'm running it again with Tata Marah and Grandma D.
I've been running on the treadmill and you've been so good. I just sit you down next to the treadmill and you watch me, and squeal with delight.

This race I run is for me, it's for you and it's for daddy. You see, something like a race is a confidence booster, and I want to be able to teach you all about being confident and loving yourself and having strength and endurance. I want to set a good example for you. I want exercise and being outdoors to be a big part of your life. I hope that this spring when I go for long runs, you'll be able to come with me.

But for now, you are content to watch me on the treadmill and I imagine that you are saying "good job, mommy!" and "you can do it!" and that makes everything feel so good.

We had a baby

I guess it's been awhile since I'm posted anything huh? 3+ years of marriage and a baby, Ms. Lakeland J who was born May 20th.

Now this might turn in to a blog for her...