I looked for the perfect card for you for the special day. As I read card after card, my eyes welling up, I started smiling, and then laughing, knowing that I got that Bawl-Baby Hallmark Reflex straight from you. I ended up putting all the cards back, because, in the end, I would have needed to buy at least 20 to get the right mix of sentiments that would express how very special you are, and how very much I love you.
Even though we aren't together this Mother's Day, I feel you all around me. The dishes are done, the washer and dryer are running, the coffee is made for tomorrow, and I'm drinking a cup of tea. I am my mother's daughter, after all.
A young Erin used to shoot sunbeams from her eyelashes every time someone said I looked just like you. That was always such a glorious compliment to me, and one that still fills me with pride. I've heard we make the same expressions, have similar voices, the same laugh...and just as when I was a girl, it makes me feel beautiful. I know that you'll say I'm biased, but I also know that everyone thinks that your beauty comes from everything that you are. It's not just thick, shiny hair, beaming eyes, a smile so big and so genuine that it can dance across a room all by itself, and a well conditioned and well taken care of body, that makes you so gorgeous. It's your positive outlook, your work ethic, your ability to see the best in everyone, and the warm way that you invite and welcome conversation. You find a way to relate to everyone that crosses your path.
An older Erin, still not a woman, relished time with you. My friends didn't lay with their moms as teenage girls. They didn't scoot into the bathroom and watch while their mothers put on makeup. But I loved it. Even when the hair dryer blasted, I was content just to be in your vicinity. Now grown, while being hair dryer adjacent isn't so tempting, I still cannot get tired of the comfort you provide, just by being near. You provide me with massive amounts of Oxytocin. I have never quite let go of your apron strings, and have never felt you trying to yank those strings from my grasp. I'm so thankful for that.
Now a grown woman, I've learned a few things. You are nicer than I am. You are a better listener, and way less judgmental. Intellectually, I know you endured many hardships when we were children. I haven't had near as rocky of a road with marriage and motherhood, and I know that what you went through pushed me to be a stronger woman and to wait, wait, wait until I'd found the best man for me. You have heard Seth and I repeat that Lakeland's job is "Listen and Obey", and perhaps you've also heard us talk about our jobs as her parents.
Seth: Provide and Play
Me: Love and Protect
For a very long time, you did all four hugely important and impactful jobs for three kids. Three kids that did not listen and obey, as I remember it. And you must have done it with grace too, because I've never heard anybody say "You know, that Judi is pretty cool nowadays, but Boy O Boy you shoulda seen her back in the day. Whatta Bitch!" I say it every year, but I don't know how you did it. Three kids, while going to school and working full time. I know you never slept. I know our house was clean, and our clothes folded and put away, and we were well fed, and you pulled A's, and you were loved at work. You are simply amazing.
I have learned that having a child makes you capable of feeling and giving love from depths that were previously untouched. I understand so much better now how much you love me, love the three of us.
Thank you, Mom. I am a lucky, lucky girl to have you.
Love,
YDE
