But I didn't. Because I was in a preschool parking lot. And because yelling at people while hanging out a car window is a little bit trashy.
Oh, but I wanted to. Because I am having conversations with my daughter that go like this:
Me: How was your day, bug?LL: Mommy, Girl A and Girl B were mean to me today. On purpose. We were all playing and then Girl A said I couldn't play with them anymore, because she and Girl B were friends first. Then they only played with each other and not me.
Me: Hmmm. Well what did you do?
LL: I went and found other friends and played with them.
Me (feigning excitement when really my voice was shaking with anger and a big wad of sadness was threatening to purge itself from my throat and splatter on the windshield): I'm sorry that happened to you, but I'm glad that you found new friends!
Every time I pick her up, we have a similar conversation. "Girl A and Girl B still won't play with me. It hurts my feelings because we were friends before."
Okay, so this is heartbreaking, right? And infuriating, yes? Not just because some girl was mean to my daughter, but because girls, at the age of four, are rejecting, excluding and hurting the feelings of their female peers. How is this happening?? And WHY?
I will not, no matter what anybody says, buy into the notion that this is just a case of "girls being girls", or that acting like a little snot is some rite of passage. That's just bullshit. Because I don't believe that it is inherent of female nature to be cattish and nasty. I think it's inherent of female nature to be nurturing. To exude strength. Even in times of weakness. To protect. To love. And to pretty much be a badass from toddlerhood to old age.
So the business of being a four old preschooler has been on my mind, and here's what I've been thinking...
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Isn't this the time when differences are meaningless, if even noticed? Isn't this the time when kids are fully delighted by each tiny similarity they find in each other? ~Hey! We both have on red shirts today! Wanna play?
Isn't this the time for boundless encouragement?
Isn't this the time when scrapes and scars belong on elbows and knees, not heads and hearts?
Isn't this the time for authentic joy?
Isn't this the time when unmarred hearts are worn, adorned with neon lights and sparkly glitter, on sleeves?
Isn't this the time when expectations are irrelevant? Nonexistent?
What I know is that nobody's daughter should have to worry about protecting her little heart from preschool friends.
What I know is that if some kid walked up and hit my daughter, I wouldn't hesitate to intervene, but that emotional taunting feels far more difficult to handle than aggression of a physical nature.
What I know is that my little girl understood just enough about what these two girls were trying to accomplish, to walk away with her feelings bruised.
What I know is that four is too young to worry about what others think.
What I know is that this is, and should be, the age of innocence.
What I know is that I shouldn't be having grown up conversations about grown up stuff with a tender-aged and light-filled girl.
What I know is that nobody needs to grow up faster. Kids grow up so fast and with such fury; they're like a wild storm running up the coast. I just want to surround my daughter with good and kind friends who want to hold hands with her and jump with her in the puddles when the rains ebb.
Girl A is failing. She's failing to live up to the gifts with which she was born. Failing to be tolerant, loving, kind, caring, thoughtful and accepting. Somewhere along the way, she learned to go against her nurturing instincts. She's failing to be a badass. Which is so, so sad because being what she was born to be is so much better, and so much more fun, for her and everyone around her. So I really just want to tell her mom that her daughter is acting like a bitch, and get this whole storm turned back in the right direction.
