Here they are:
Awwwww. Seriously. Awwwwww. How cute are they??
Yeah. When I found out I was pregnant with Lakeland and told Seth, he said "Holy shit." The was his entire reaction, explained in precise detail. "Holy. Shit."
I mean, I didn't expect him to start weeping and get down on his knees, throwing his arms around my waist while pressing his cheek gently against my precious womb. Of course not. But a pat on the back might have been nice.
I know now that he was truly happy, but that at the time, the news had so utterly shocked him, he couldn't spit out more than two words. So maybe he was thinking "Holy. Shit. That's. Awesome!" but only the first part came out? (He totally got over that initial astonishment and was entirely on board by like, the seventh month though.)
In early January this year, I was fairly sure that I'd gotten pregnant sometime over the holidays. Not eager to catch him by surprise, I thought it best to break the news gently. It went like this:
Me (on a Monday morning - 24 full hours in advance): Hey. I'm late. I'm going to take a pregnancy test tomorrow morning.
Seth: K.
Me (Tuesday morning, on the phone, after having peed on a stick): Blah, blah, blah...mundane morning conversation, la-di-da...
Seth (matching my humdrumness): Blah, blah, blah...
Me (because he didn't ask and who has time for BSing on the phone all morning?): So...I took that test...you know?
Seth: Yeah...? And...?
Me (In my most neutral "do-not-frighten-the-animal-that-you-unexpectedly-came-upon-while-walking-in-the-woods" voice, with just a hint of Homer Simpson humor in case the news needed further padding): Well, I'm not NOT pregnant.
Seth (not sounding amused in the least): Ummm...what?
Me (Nonchalantly...casually...shoulder-shruggingly): Well, there were two lines, but that second line was barely noticeable.
Seth: Oh, OK. Cool. See you after work?
Me: Yep. Have a good day. Bye.
"Holy. Shit." - successfully avoided. "Oh, OK. Cool." - unexpected, but better, I think?
Two days went by with zero discussion of my imminent barfing period followed by weeks of candy and bread inhalation - two FULL days, with only one offhanded comment from Seth about the hardly positive pregnancy test. He said, without introduction or fanfare of any kind, "You know that a line, even faint, means it's probably a positive test, right?"
Yes. Yes I do. Glad you do, too.
By Friday, I was pretty well over trying not to spook him, and far more interested in entertaining myself, so I took a digital pregnancy test and sent him the following email*:
And while he didn't reply to the email, he did come home from work that night with prenatal vitamins, kissed me on the top of the head, and said "Congratulations, babe".
It wasn't an awwww-worthy acknowledgement in the same way that revealing you're expecting by way of a Homer Simpson joke and a "pregnant as shit" email isn't cute. That's just not us.
* "Pregnant as shit" is a phrase I hi-jacked from my hilarious friend Amy Murphy.
