Team Clean Gets Mad

So twice a month, a nice young girl comes over and vacuums and dusts and cleans the kitchen and washes the floors and the disinfects the bathroom. Yes. I have a cleaning lady. I know, I know...it's incredibly self-indulgent, and I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I can't keep up. I am the leader of "Team Clean-Grand Rapids", for crying out loud, and I have a cleaning lady.

But hey! I work full time, and I'm a stay at home mom full time. How do I do both, you ask? Well, I have a cleaning lady come in once every two weeks. It's really the only way to survive in my world.

Anyway, so insert here a long story about AT & T and what bastards they are and how I hate them, and then skip to this morning...

I received a bill, which was supposed to be for $33. And it wasn't. It was for $127.37. So of course, I call customer service and start ripping into the service representative about how they purposely try to dupe people into buying things they don't want or need, etc... Insert another long story here, with ranting and raving.

Of course, the whole time I'm on the phone, LL is sitting nicely in her highchair, shoving blueberries into her mug, and the cleaning lady is dusting and wiping down tables, and presumably, listening.

I finally get off the phone, resolving the bill while simultaneously getting my gripes in, and I turn around to see a sort of wide-eyed, mop holding, sweat trickling girl looking at me with this great amount of admiration. And she says "Can you please call on my bills for me, too?"

And then she says, and this is the whole point of this story..."So...you clean when you are mad, huh?"

Sheepishly, I look at my powdery white hands and wrists, the remnants of a Comet cleanser attack on the kitchen sink. I had done all of the dishes, scrubbed the counters and disinfected the sink, all while my cleaning lady looked on...

Bromance leaps into unchartered territory...

Happy 4th anniversary!

Seth and I celebrated our 4th anniversary with flair this year...see picture, left.

Let's take a walk through anniversaries past. On our wedding day, Todd [the left ass in this picture], Seth's BFF, was the one to declare us husband and wife. It was a beautiful moment on our perfect wedding day.

On our 1st anniversary, Seth and I returned to the place of our reception, 5/3 ballpark, and took in a game after a nice dinner and some...ok many...cocktails. Followed by additional beers at a local watering hole.

On our 2nd anniversary, we were in Ohio, on Burger Family Vacation. During the day, all of the Burger girls were pampered with massages, and Seth arranged to have a bouquet waiting for me at the spa. That night, Seth and I drove into town to catch the All Star game and have some cocktails. And then we returned to the vacation house and continued with libations and laughing, in the hot-tub, until dawn.

On our 3rd anniversary, Seth talked me into going to see this Star Wars special. With Todd. Technically, it was the symphony, but it was combined with a weird and gaudy giant movie screen showing scenes from the films. And it was emceed by a guy who played either R2D2 or one of those other metal looking guys, I don't know for sure. And, after a particularly gutsy symphonic performance, Todd shot up out of his seat and yelled out "Fuck yeah!" amidst all of the children and many black tie bedecked patrons. One year later, I continue to be thankful that I had enjoyed several cocktails prior to the event.

And on our 4th anniversary***, the movie "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" was released. So I invited myself to go with Seth and Todd to the midnight showing, on our anniversary, because there was no way Seth was going to not go at midnight.

On the afternoon of our anniversary, pre-midnight movie, Seth and Todd enjoyed a nice lunch together. Followed by a trip to the parlor. The tattoo parlor. Where they each got a new tattoo. A new matching tattoo. Of the Deathly Hallows. Matching Harry Potter Deathly Hallow TRAMP STAMPS. A permanent indication and declaration of their bromance. On our 4th anniversary.


***I will note the following:
1. Seth wrote me a really great poem and read it to me aloud. Which is quite romantic, I think.
2. Seth took me to dinner at a restaurant we discovered when I was pregnant. Awful service and great food.
3. Before the movie, Seth went with me to Costco, and he hates Costco. That's love.
4. Seth secured a reliable babysitter. I'll give you one guess who that was...

Well, that's embarrassing

I drove through Wendy's today, and I ordered a kiddie meal for Lakeland. I've never done that before. I realized I was really embarrassed to be feeding my toddler fast food when I cut a large chunk of cheeseburger off and gave it to her. And found myself thinking, "Oh my God, what if she chokes on that? I'll have to call 911 and the paramedics will know that I was feeding my kid junk food."
I'm so ashamed...

The Best Thing Happened...

My friend Jacoba and I were talking about Real Simple magazine, and how unrealistic their "Get it Done in 15 Minutes" articles are. They have this minute by minute breakdown of how to clean your huge bookshelves in 15 minutes, or clean and detail your car in 15 minutes. It is so dumb. Who has a latter, unfolded and waiting for use, sitting in their living room, or a shop vac next to their car at all times?

Anyway, so I ordered the magazine for my friend, so that we can have monthly competitions to see who gets more crap done in 15 minutes. And I filled out the order form to be sent to:

Jacoba Clean It Alderink.

And they misread it.

And now she is receiving 12 months of Real Simple magazine addressed to:

Jacoba Cleantit Alderink

Which is worth every penny.