Having never been to VS, I wasn't aware of the protocol. So when a sales associate approached me and asked me if I'd like to be measured, I was all "Um, what? Yeah, I guess. Do I have to take my shirt off right here?". She laughed goodnaturedly (while rolling her eyes) and led me off towards the dressing rooms, advising me to relax and enjoy the experience.
Let me tell you what happened once I got in the dressing room. It went something like this, and though this is not an actual transcript, it's close. No joking.
Boob Expert (towing a girl in training): Hi. Here is our tester bra. This style of bra fits nearly everyone, and assures that we've measured you correctly. Once you have the bra on, please press this button (gesturing to a doorbell type button on the wall) and a light will come on outside so I'll know you are ready. Okay?
Me: Yep.
I put on the bra and stood there, staring at my boobs in admiration. I haven't worn an actual bra since I was pregnant, only the nursing and then the trusty sports bra. I literally forgot what wearing a real bra felt like. And LOOKED like! My reflection assured me that I did, in fact, possess two actual boobs, not the uniboob that's been squished into a sports bra for the better part of 2 years. Shocking. Anyway, then I pressed the button...
Boob Expert (to the trainee while shoving her into my dressing room): Come on! Get in here! (Silence as the expert examines the fit, while the trainee looks respectfully at her shoes.)
Boob Expert (to trainee, while simultaneously tugging on my straps and hoisting my breasts all about): See this? See this gaping here? It's not bad, but let's see if a smaller bra would be a better fit.
Trainee (briefly glancing my way and then quickly diverting her gaze): Oh...
Boob Expert: OK, we'll be right back with a smaller size.
Then the trainee came back with a smaller bra, smiled meekly at me and told me to push the button once I had the bra on...which I did and then they both entered the dressing room. And then the very shy trainee inadvertently said something so funny that I nearly shot snot out of my nose when I tried not to laugh. my. ass. off.
Boob Expert (to trainee, while shaking her head 'no' and waving her hands in the general direction of my boobs): So, do you see what's wrong here?
Trainee: Um...well...
Boob Expert (exasperated by the bashfulness of the trainee): Well? What do you see?
Trainee (suddenly becoming all brazen): Her boobs is spillin' out all over the place!
Me (snorting, and seriously trying not to blow snot out of my nose in Victoria's Secret, and agreeing with her): Yeah...what she just said.
Oh my GOD.. WHO SAYS SHIT LIKE THAT? "Her boobs is spillin' out all over the place!"
Way funny, and totally made my first experience at VS worthy of repeat shopping.
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